Just as I faced the bridge leading me into another year, it so happened that some events near the end of the year led to a projection of an old wound staring profusely back at me. In a moment of desperation and a plea for change, I chose to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of outdated energy and charged emotions that no longer represent who I am, but instead where I came from. I knew the only way out of it was to walk right through, straight into the wound.
It’s amazing how quickly we can actually make it out to the other side when we allow ourselves to feel, understand, and accept the pain. Already I feel I am walking on new ground. My mantra that has set the preface for cliche resolutions—the simple, but powerful notion—I am enough.
What occurred at the end of the year was that I walked away from a burning reality that I had, yet again, settled for less than I am worth. How could this be after all I’ve done to heal myself? The old wound that reared its ugly head was an exhausted one of abandonment. I let somebody back into my life that had already demonstrated their lack of capacity to give love. How convenient—I chose the person that does not have the capacity to give love because clearly, I had not fully acknowledged my own blocks to receiving it.
Before I had initially broken ties, I looked for distractions and diversions outside of me to fill the void in the interim. When I consciously cut everything out to make a change, I found myself alone. And, true to love-addict grappling, I battled grief over a commitment-phobe. There I was suffering over someone unable to give love instead of giving it to myself. I was upset that I even felt pain at all having known this truth.
But there ya have it, an old wound. It wasn’t even about this guy—same story, different face? Fortunately, I had a lingering awareness to be grateful for, so to end the cycle I broke down to break through. I had to forgive myself, for the wound is there to stay. I accept it as part of who I am because I have a choice. I choose to say, enough, to settling.
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” – Oprah
The more I began to envision something better, knowing I am worthy of it, the lighter I felt and more gracious I felt in forgiving the pain altogether. For-give to- get love, as Iyanla has spoken. Clear out the old through forgiveness to make room for the new. If we are seeking love outside of ourselves, chances are it is because we don’t believe we are enough. Trying to understand the pain can leave us trapped in it. Realizing it is there and accepting it for what it is, something that happened to me a million years ago, I could begin to step out and away from the perpetual experience of it. When we know we are enough and invest in our worth, our vibration will bring us our match. We don’t need to look. By investing in ourselves so that our cup is full, we can begin to let the extraneous surplus pour over into that special someone’s cup—and no, not just the closest available thing.
The Wild Card Pick is from the CHAKRA INSIGHT ORACLE deck:
Ruled by the Solar Plexus Chakra
Set an intention to empower yourself by knowing you are enough. Vote for you, first. Begin healing old wounds through the practice of self-love. Line up with those that reflect your highest version.
Know that as you focus on yourself, you will draw the right person to you. Believe in their arrival—they are worth the wait because you are worth the wait.