Silencing the Noise. (Wild Card pick)

Silencing the Noise. (Wild Card pick)

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Many of us have heard of “The Secret” and the basis for the law of attraction. I’ve never really been sure how I feel about Tony Robbins, but I agree with him when he says that the law of attraction is ‘part of it.’ It’s part of getting what you want in life, but it’s not everything. Obtaining through the law of attraction is more like a symptom of maintaining a high vibration. Clarity and specificity are important, yes. But, I believe what Tony was alluding to in his own way is that there’s more to the upkeep of high vibe than simply thinking happy thoughts.

Self-care, putting ourselves first, being of service, these are all ways to sustain the glow, but vibrations resonating at high frequencies occur effortlessly from silenced noise. This is how we sit into the seat of consciousness.*

We discover our spiritual self and our inner voice—the divine whisper that is our road map from “God.” Through trusting ourselves and in a plan beyond “the self,” we watch the miracle of life unfold with more adventure, more zest. Setting an intention while you are at a high vibration is positive attraction, but it is the art of surrender through objectivity and non-attachment in which we can find peace.

It is the voices, the dialogue in our heads that Michael A. Singer points out so vividly in the first pages of his book, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself,* that interfere with our state of consciousness. They bombard our understanding of the “true self.” He poses questions such as—what is the actual real self? Which one of those voices is the true inner voice?

It doesn’t make any difference what {the voice inside] is saying, you are the one who is aware of it. As long as you think that one thing it’s saying is you, but the other thing it’s saying is not you, you’ve lost your objectivity.” – Michael A. Singer

The objectivity he speaks of, standing back and observing the voices rather than creating them into a hierarchy is how we can begin to develop and move closer to our “intuition.”

When I was in Bali, I felt like I was on this otherworldly ride to understand the necessity of silencing the noise. For one, by simply being away from it, but then to learn to develop self-trust, our relationship with our intuition.

Where I am from in the United States, particularly Los Angeles, a city I called home for quite some time—it’s a rapid pace. There are so many expectancies, projected voices, technologies/communication technologies being spit at us from every angle that it’s difficult to not be plagued by the noise.

Leaning back as Singer suggests, from it, is how we become the spectator, not a willing participant in this falsehood of reality we create with mental chatter. We develop a relationship of trust within ourselves when we can rely on our objectivity. We can begin to understand who we really are, that is—which voice it is.

Today’s Wild Card pick is from Tosha Silver’s Change Me Prayers oracle deck:

INTUITION

Set an intention to transcend the noise of your mind by learning to be a spectator of it. We earn self-trust through the relationship we have with our inner voice, our intuition. We can begin to trust in a higher plan by trusting we are always being guided to that which serves us. Consider how you can give your self more love through self-care to keep your vibration elevated. Be willing to be outrageously open and release expectations. Trust that your relationship with your inner self is a reflection of your relationship with the divine. We are always being guided if we can silence the noise to listen.

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Tosha is author of Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead, a guide to living a life of surrender and trust by putting your faith in the divine’s greater plan. {She designed this deck that I often use to draw a mantra/prayer as part of my daily spiritual practice.}

                                                                         

THE MASTER. (Wild Card Pick)

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“The master welcomes the disciples not because he wants to lead them, but because he has so much to share. Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light.” – Osho

An intention I have set this new year is to be more mindful of my presence and how I present myself to the world. This is not because I want to be dependent on how I am perceived, but because I want to be aware of my energy and how I am distributing it. I want to show up for myself because—I matter. This allows for me to stand in my power and have quicker access to it when it falters. When we know that we matter, we more readily nurture practices that support this. We beam light that radiates our worth. There is nothing to prove because by showing up for ourselves we already know we matter.

I spent much of my life preparing for what everyone else was going to think of me before I really stopped to think what I was putting out there altogether. I am a singer and I was always a little girl with a very big voice. However, rarely did I share my voice. A big reason why I did not let myself shine was that I codependently concerned myself with not dimming others’ light. I could not share because I also did not know how to receive. We are automatically expressing gratitude (we give thanks) when we share what gifts we have been given. Through gratitude, we open ourselves up to receive more. I was too afraid of the opposition, of someone mirroring their insecurities off of my talent. So, instead, I hid and bottled my gift. Or, I used my preoccupation with others as an excuse to hide and allowed this excuse to trick myself into believing I wasn’t worthy of my gift.

I once dated a guy whose favorite quote loosely articulated something along the lines of—the only way to change something is to leave it the way it is.

I found that to be a bizarre way of looking at things (to his credit, it could have been a language barrier). Despite my judgment that the delivery could be more eloquent and less selfish, I agreed with the root of its message. We can not change people to be the way we want them to be. We must grant people time and space to choose their own paths. We can inspire others by mastering our own path by living out our highest versions, then we inadvertently (not manipulatively) lead by example.

We can not control how people respond to the various parts of ourselves, either. We all know, not everyone is gonna like us. But we can learn to love and accept ourselves enough that as we walk down our blazing paths of glory, our beams of light can inspire and guide the way for others.

Imagine literally pushing someone that is cemented exactly where they are, and you’re still pushing, yet they are going nowhere. Waste of energy, time, and all the above, right? Let others be as you stand in your light.

Today’s Wild Card pick is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck:

 THE MASTER

This card represents being a master of the self and therefore giving back to others by presenting your best self as a teacher for them.

Set an intention to surrender control to that which is outside of you and focus on mastering yourself. How do you present yourself to the world? Show up for you, first. Watch your energy be reflected back to you. Share your gifts like the dance as if no one is watching quote. Share your gifts for the sake of giving, even when it feels like no one cares. By sharing you are expressing gratitude for the abundance in your life, and this is how we open ourselves to receive more. 🙂

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ENOUGH. (Wild Card pick)

ENOUGH. (Wild Card pick)
Chakra Insight Oracle deck
Chakra Insight Oracle deck

Just as I faced the bridge leading me into another year, it so happened that some events near the end of the year led to a projection of an old wound staring profusely back at me. In a moment of desperation and a plea for change, I chose to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of outdated energy and charged emotions that no longer represent who I am, but instead where I came from. I knew the only way out of it was to walk right through, straight into the wound.

It’s amazing how quickly we can actually make it out to the other side when we allow ourselves to feel, understand, and accept the pain. Already I feel I am walking on new ground. My mantra that has set the preface for cliche resolutions—the simple, but powerful notion—I am enough.

What occurred at the end of the year was that I walked away from a burning reality that I had, yet again, settled for less than I am worth. How could this be after all I’ve done to heal myself? The old wound that reared its ugly head was an exhausted one of abandonment. I let somebody back into my life that had already demonstrated their lack of capacity to give love. How convenient—I chose the person that does not have the capacity to give love because clearly, I had not fully acknowledged my own blocks to receiving it.

Before I had initially broken ties, I looked for distractions and diversions outside of me to fill the void in the interim. When I consciously cut everything out to make a change, I found myself alone. And, true to love-addict grappling, I battled grief over a commitment-phobe. There I was suffering over someone unable to give love instead of giving it to myself. I was upset that I even felt pain at all having known this truth.

But there ya have it, an old wound. It wasn’t even about this guy—same story, different face? Fortunately, I had a lingering awareness to be grateful for, so to end the cycle I broke down to break through. I had to forgive myself, for the wound is there to stay. I accept it as part of who I am because I have a choice. I choose to say, enough, to settling.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” – Oprah

The more I began to envision something better, knowing I am worthy of it, the lighter I felt and more gracious I felt in forgiving the pain altogether. For-give to- get love, as Iyanla has spoken. Clear out the old through forgiveness to make room for the new. If we are seeking love outside of ourselves, chances are it is because we don’t believe we are enough. Trying to understand the pain can leave us trapped in it. Realizing it is there and accepting it for what it is, something that happened to me a million years ago, I could begin to step out and away from the perpetual experience of it. When we know we are enough and invest in our worth, our vibration will bring us our match. We don’t need to look. By investing in ourselves so that our cup is full, we can begin to let the extraneous surplus pour over into that special someone’s cup—and no, not just the closest available thing.

The Wild Card Pick is from the CHAKRA INSIGHT ORACLE deck:   

Self-Esteem

Ruled by the Solar Plexus Chakra

Set an intention to empower yourself by knowing you are enough. Vote for you, first. Begin healing old wounds through the practice of self-love. Line up with those that reflect your highest version. 

Know that as you focus on yourself, you will draw the right person to you. Believe in their arrival—they are worth the wait because you are worth the wait.

How Abuse Gifted Me Trust… In Myself: My PTSD Story

How Abuse Gifted Me Trust… In Myself: My PTSD Story

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“You say you’re too damaged, I still say you’ve got the goods.” – from a song I wrote many moons ago

Out of all the things that I have been through, one of the greatest complications to resolve has been the ramifications of abuse throughout my adolescence. I was physically abused and verbally assaulted by masculine rage on a concurrent and regular basis. My experience of the abuse at times felt like torture, was unrelenting, and my space never truly felt safe.

Trust has been profoundly challenging for me to invest in, that of which I have learned must first begin with myself.

Due to my crippled capacity to trust in others, and a sense of self oppressed by an abuser, over time my ability to develop trust in myself became stunted and plagued by static noise and doubt.

It is interesting though the complexities that have come about as a result, the product being the woman I am today. What I’ve become is a woman with a presence of impenetrable strength, which of course, in a society infiltrated by a masculinity crisis, hasn’t gone over so well.

I have attracted great opposition from those that struggle with their own masculinity, or another way of looking at it — one’s repressed/rejected, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged femininity.

Throughout my twenties, I strived towards a path of healing. I was blessed enough by the grace of divine intervention and my own willingness to change that resources flowed regardless of my external means to begin this process.

Yoga and meditation were definite introductions that changed my life and in many ways saved my life. I discovered that I am not actually held hostage in my body, that I do have control and that my power is always there. I discovered that no one can take my power, but realized out of programmed habit I was throwing it out like expired produce.

It was through the crisis of many unhealthy relationships and my absolute plea to not suffer from the pain of power struggles that I began to see the signs. I didn’t want to hurt anymore so it became unavoidable that I had to dig in and do the work.

It was during a heartbreak from a very damaged Pisces lover, and coincidentally a potent Pisces full moon, that in my typical woo-woo fashion I sought out not a therapist, but my version of such — I wanted to see a healer that cleared chakras… yep. I was ready to wipe the slate clean, but unbeknownst to me, this man had a profound purpose. As agonizing as it was to dive in, he was a gift. He served as the beginning of an awakening. He was a Marine veteran struggling with PTSD; he was also my mirror.

The next day as I was walking down the street, there was a massive sign outside of a crystal shop nearby where I lived that was not usually there. In all its colorful glory stood the flag of chakras promoting sessions with a particular healer. I tend to be like The Fool of the Rider-Waite deck, springing forward, acting on leaps of faith when such moments present themselves. With a chart full of Aries, this generally rules in my favor.

My session with a self-proclaimed clairvoyant doused me in the cold hard reality that I had not so much been in denial about, but rather completely oblivious to. I knew I had been abused as I had shared it prior. I knew it was wrong and that I was in fact violated, but I had no idea the magnitude of wreckage it caused. As a little girl knowing nothing different, essentially it became the only normal I knew. And while living it, I was battered into believing I’d deserved it.

When I first entered into the backroom to proceed, a typical aroma of palo santo engulfed the space. The stillness of the room’s aura rested as rainbow lights (also known as color therapy) swirled above the bed, while a gorgeous array of gongs and singing bowls aligned it. I always look forward to these sessions. My total openness to them is how I’ve been fortunate enough to reap the wanders.

I have worked with countless western healers and now a couple of eastern ones; although, this was one of my earlier experiences. I was anticipating what she would pick up on. I felt sure the foremost would be mention of my brother’s death, or my absent father, or possibly the turbulent codependent relationship with my mother… never did I see coming the yet mentioned.

I will say that I am able and willing to share the account of my abuse; however, for deeply personal reasons I am not ready to share by whom.

“Did you have [****] that was very mean to you?” she delicately asked.

I sat there stunned. An instant surge of tears burst forth like an appropriate tidal wave. Out of all the shitty things in my still very privileged life, I couldn’t believe that’s what she pointed out. Her take on it was that we were bound together in this lifetime due to past life events, but I’ll spare you of that for now.

I went home feeling like the earth beneath me had been shaken. How could I not have seen this before? The light had not only gone off, but it was also about to blind my eyes. What ensued from there was an all-nighter of research on the unique relationship of abuse I experienced. Limited information was available on my specific circumstance, but nonetheless, a turning point of acknowledgment transpired — abuse is abuse. I was a ripe candidate to all the possibilities of aftermath as anyone else that’s survived it. Wait, so I am one of those people? It wasn’t until I accepted that I am that, a survivor of abuse, that I could begin to move towards a healthier future. It was through this discovery that I was able to understand I was also living with my own degree of PTSD. It had been the underlying factor to so many complications in my life. I didn’t know that my usual somatic experience was not normal. I thought the out of control sensations in my physical response to situations were my fault, that it was simply who I am and that I was doomed to be a prisoner to it.

For many years, I attracted lovers that did not physically abuse me, but I was in heavy, emotionally tormented relationships. The real moral is PTSD often controlled my life.

After the eventual breakdown of these relationships and my own chaos looming overhead, I strived to transcend my experiences. I couldn’t control what happened to me, but I could begin to heal the consequences. I chose to kill the script and say, fuck that. I chose to shift from victim to survivor. I began my transition from bondage and everything happening to me, to being wide awake staring into the mirror — recognizing the patterns and the common denominator. This was not an overnight fix, of course. It was an incredibly painful process that took years and years of resolving. Still, till this day there are remnants I have to work through. Scenes, lines, and characters from the old script all like to come out to play every now and again, and it is my work to not get disheartened by this reality. In the past, the discouragement of its existence would send me down a spiral of self-loathing.

I spent years unable to communicate how I actually felt. I had zero sophistication as far as emotional intimacy was concerned. I would panic, cognitively disassociate and shut down. And, I would hate myself for every bit of it.

Almost a decade later, it is bizarre to even recount those memories — from total physical overwhelm to perpetual fears of the rug always being pulled out from under me. By always assuming the worst, I attracted it only to prove itself true.

Now, it’s almost as if I don’t even know that girl anymore. Yet, again, there are still those tiny remainders of the script wanting to come to life on stage once more. But, I harnessed new tools and coping mechanisms that overtime have integrated.

Most of all, my journey was to silence the noise and experience a life of learning to trust myself. Despite being figuratively pummeled into believing all the things that had derailed me before, I began the journey of discovering my light, my power.

Of course, none of this would be possible without also learning to forgive my abuser, and to forgive the masculine rage that permeates throughout my culture and our world. I have had to send love and light to the beautiful, divine feminine energy yearning for reciprocation from us all.

I guess when you think about it, we can be so cruel to our dear Mother Earth. If we can’t respect our own mother, then I guess in a way that sums it up, doesn’t it?

It’s a shame, this reality. We have so far to go on a collective scale. I can only hope my story of forgiveness, resilience, and journey of self-love is emblematic of the new script we can write together.

 

 

Story originally published on:

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Be Yourself

Don’t instruct, share.

What Angels Want Us to Know: Life After Guilt

What Angels Want Us to Know: Life After Guilt

Even when things seem so grim & a realization of so much loss pierces deep within, it is these moments that my angels are there to rescue more than ever. Without fail, the dragonflies come out to swirl around, reminding me I’m not alone.

When I think of the confusing and complicated guilt I experience for being the last one left to stand, I take my evening strolls out to the azul water that is my backyard, siempre in search of peace. The other day while in a dark head space, I thought, maybe my angels actually got the better end of the deal. This world, as beautiful as it is, can be so very painful… at least they are together, in peace. But, just as I was beginning to slip down the rabbit hole, the dragonflies began to dance against the masterpiece of a backdrop, a pink lit sky and blistering ball of solar energy beaming over the water.

As I returned back from my evening with the divine, my best friend that channels had reached out to me. She said my brother, unclear which one, had softly contacted her to send me a message. Just some days before, I had been suffering then as well from a plummeting feeling of feeling lost. I was seriously questioning my own existence in the very scary kinda way. My friend shared with me the message of simple and touching relevancy, that I am ‘right’ and to keep doing what I’m doing. So just when I was feeling the crash that is life with a mood disorder, and or just life… I realized what a blessing it is to have angels intervene when I’m pleading to know if I’m going to be okay. And, how miraculous it is to have that sort of love surrounding me at all times, protecting me, and sending me clarity when the fog moves in. To let me know I am still here for a reason. To let me know that I am indeed shielded by love.

I do have to say, I’m pretty fucking ready to leave this experience behind… that is, the first one-year anniversary of my brother’s death… and basically, all the terrible memories that coexisted with this time last year. As much as my guilt may want to hang onto them, I know to move beyond surviving to thriving is to release the guilt. The present does include pain that has yet to fully heal, so the reality is the past, unfortunately, exists within the present. However, I can stay there, or choose to try to move forward one more step of the way, as the pain stays one step further behind.

What I’ve discovered is the guilt keeps me “safe.” The guilt, the pain, the story… it is all a toxic high that of course is superseded by a crashing low. It’s moving out into the unknown space of joy that is the real work. It has been easier for me to be afraid of more pain so that I stay in my excuse of pain.

I started dating again a few months ago after moving literally and figuratively into new space. I have vaguely shared already that I went through a pretty bad breakup as well this time last year, which naturally was what exacerbated the already gut-wrenching period of mourning. It was the core-shaking, yet illusive experience of love-at-first-sight, in which crashed & crumbled during the time one would presumably need support the most. The truth is though, I had everything I needed & still do. But, those lessons were to be learned in the most hardcore of hours. When you’ve lost that much, it’s kinda like, fuck it… I guess I’m sorta liberated now. Or, so I thought…

As I found myself back on the dating scene and after meeting someone I was actually interested in, I was overwhelmed with vulnerability. Bombarded by a surplus of “what-if’s,” I didn’t know if I was capable of enduring more pain, so instead I would not let myself leave the pain behind. I was bound to it out of survival, without realizing it was keeping me from living my life… it was keeping me from joy. Even as I proclaimed that I wanted otherwise, I was actually avoiding joy by avoiding imagined pain.

I was self-sabotaging because of survivor’s guilt. It’s a difficult thing to articulate, but perhaps it’s as simple as this… I have felt guilty for wanting joy. I felt guilty for believing there could be joy without my brothers in the world. Or, that I owe it to them to stay in the misery of their loss. Which of course, though, this I know… a life full of joy is exactly what my brothers want for me.

To live the life I have left. And if anything, for them, that is the way to truly honor their loss —to live so fiercely & courageously on their behalf.

So today on August 1, it is my brother Patrick’s birthday. This time last year I was thousands of miles away saying my last I love you over the phone, as he was bedridden in the hospital, struggling to speak. A week later after his 33rd birthday, he was gone.

The months that followed thereafter were a nightmare, yes. Those days and nights where I felt like a walking zombie, unsure if I was going to come back to life or not… I really didn’t know if I was gonna make it through. But it is these memories that I must no longer attach to so that I can grow with my brothers in a new way. By putting my hand out to accept a dance with the divine is how I get to experience… the magic of the dragonflies.

And you know, it’s really fucking hard sometimes. It really is, but I have to believe I am still here for a reason and they are not… AND THIS IS OKAY. I have to trust the cards were supposed to be dealt this way, and that yes, at least they are together in peace. A life left full of guilt will never bring them back to physical life…

But the magic that is pure love… will always keep them alive.

A Happy Birthday to my late brother, Chef Patrick

Right Where He Belonged, RIP Chef Patrick & Chef Bourdain

Heroes Oaxaqueños: A Message from the Dog Man

Heroes Oaxaqueños: A Message from the Dog Man

“We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community… Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.” – Cesar Chavez

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The name Alejandro had come up many times before meeting him since I first moved to Pto. It is a small place, yes, but Alejandro I discovered is actually a low key local hero. In the cliche sense, we could say he’s the dog man here in town, but this guy has dedicated his life to his passion for helping animals. And, even cooler, he has understood on a broad level that the way to do this with efficacy is by educating people.

So, amongst my time spent here in one of México’s gems, I’ve connected with the tatted up Oaxacan dog man, also a generational coffee rancher. We are off the Pacific coast in a small town, Puerto Escondido, meaning Hidden Port. It feels ironic, teetering on taboo, to write about a place with hidden as part of its name, but I’d like to think Alejandro is one in which to pay homage. He is the true epitome of nonprofit service. So often we hear or say terms like “nonprofit” that we almost become auto-piloted and numb to the meaning of what we are even saying. Let’s put it this way, this man is a coffee rancher by day and a man of community social work 24/7. This is not his business; this is his blood, his heart, his life. He helped me during a crisis with my own dog, and I soon learned that for so many here, he is all they have. I was able to sit down with Alejandro over a cup of coffee, claro, as a muffled Rolling Stones jammed in the distance. I listened as he shared his story, his message, his dream.

His Puerto journey began eleven years ago, a move well-made for the heat and warm water to heal some of his ill perros. His attention quickly took to the surplus in ubiquitous grim conditions of the local animals. After attempts to create an organization to help the animals — but with interference from differing views on how to actually do so — his experience has instilled strong belief in prevention. He believes the only realistic way to stop the overpopulation of neglected, malnourished animals that run rampant is by educating people about sterilization. But, also providing healthcare for a multitude of reasons and needs, such as for animals of people that care, yet the so many that can not afford it. So, around five years ago was the birth of his clinic, Esteriliza y Educa, a nonprofit organization centered around donation-based campaigns with its message of prevention & accessibility.

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The planning and logistics of the campaigns are arduous. The volunteer’s time, knowledge, and space are all available to the community. Donations from the community, and from the pockets of the volunteers themselves, are the only way this clinic stays alive. Alejandro affirmed, “People think because it’s free that we have everything, but we need to buy everything. So, it’s not that easy. We are not rich people.”

As he also insisted several times, none of this would exist without the help of a divinely ordered team. He said, “You can’t do this work alone, and that’s something very important to say… It is very difficult to find the right people to work with… It takes time, but animals are very smart. Somehow they introduce you to the right people.”

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This small team of heroes opens up shop to sterilize and treat animals in need on Sundays, as long as supplies allow it. We’re talkin’ 25–40 surgeries in a day. I spent one afternoon observing the surgeries at Alejandro’s house. There was a line of people outside with an array of dogs and cats needing various attention. There were scheduled surgeries for sterilization, and walk-ins such as a street dog whose tail had been run over, amid others. A prevalent issue is often poisoning. Rescuing a small, helpless dog as it stumbled cross-eyed in the street one day was a hard memory to knock. Alejandro and I had also discussed unethical campaigns by the government. Unfortunately, a cat came in need of treatment for this reason. It was suffering from an infection from the use of cheap supplies and botched internal work. This is a large reason why trust has been crucial to establish within the community. These government campaigns have battered the locals’ trust. Through word of mouth, awareness about the clinic and its accessibility has spread, in turn providing opportunity and movement for their underlying message of prevention.

Alejandro pointed out, “It’s not only the street dogs that need help. We need to educate the people to stop this problem. So, for me, it’s always been in the prevention area. The main goal is to stop the overpopulation. We do this by educating people to be sensitive, to respect, to love and care for the animals.

We have to make them understand [sterilization] doesn’t change the character of the animal… some understand, some don’t. But more male dogs are coming than before, so it is changing. But, this is with ten years of work.”

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It did not take long to realize that this man’s daily life has been completely bombarded by his sacrificial service. Sundays are for surgery, but it never stops there. The Rolling Stones and our conversation were interrupted three times in an hour by unannounced visitors asking for his help. So I, of course, had to inquire, “How do you sustain? Where do you draw the line? Or, do you ever say no? (We both laughed).”

Alejandro cool and calmly declared, “It’s hard to say no. I mean, I have a life… I use to have a sign, ‘from this time to this time’, but people show up anytime. People don’t read. If I put up a sign that says no service, they still come. But, it’s really hard to say no… I need to get out of my house; that’s the only way.”

“So, where did this begin for you? What’s the early memory?”

“I just love the animals. I don’t like them suffering… if I have the ability, the knowledge, the heart, and if I don’t do it… I would not go to sleep in peace… the payment is the satisfaction of doing something good for an animal who can’t talk, can’t express, who can’t ask…”

“And the balance is…?”

“I don’t have the economy, the tools to help them all… I have to be clear about this,” he said, “I have to keep focused on what I can actually do to help. And, it’s hard because you always want to help all of them. But there has to be a balance… so, I love the Stones (as they play in the background and we laugh again), that’s why I listen to the Stones everyday… and I like coffee.”

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During my short time spent with Alejandro, it seems he relates to animals because he relates to the art of energy, or to nature rather. As hectic as it seemed from my perspective for a day in the life of the dog man, Alejandro seemed right in his element. On his off days, he drives through the winding roads of Oaxaca, always ready with a bag of food and water which, by the way, likely means several stops. If that’s all he can do for the day, then so be it… until tomorrow, claro.

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  • You can help by donating to fund supplies for sterilization & an array of treatments for street animals & families of animals in need.

 

  • A year’s worth of supplies is typically arranged into four campaigns a year with a goal of 75,000 MXN Pesos per campaign (= around $3,600 USD).

 

  • That is less than $15,000 USD to cover a year’s worth of supplies.

 

  • $12 USD = sterilization for an animal 

>>>>> DONATE <<<<<

ESTERILIZA Y EDUCA FACEBOOK

esterilizayeduca.com/

Muchas gracias por tus ojos, tus oídos, tu corazón ❤

 

 

*Shout out to Ashlea at BreakLooseJournal for my initial introduction to The Dog Man, big ups chica

To Those I Have Judged, for This I Apologize

To Those I Have Judged, for This I Apologize
aaron &lt;3
Aaron

“Forgiveness inevitably leads to acceptance. It is a demonstration of your willingness to move on. Acceptance does not mean you agree with, condone, appreciate, or even like what has happened. Acceptance means that you know, regardless of what happened, that there is something bigger than you at work.” – Iyanla Vanzant

aug 2012
Patrick

I guess it may seem inevitable after this last year - enduring the death of my brother - the end of my romantic relationship amid my brother’s funeral - then to take on full-time Gringa life outside of the USA - I am very much on a spiritual journey. Life is always a spiritual journey whether we see it or not, I suppose. And, this time I choose to be the hero.


Holding my brother as he was left to lay brain dead humbled me to the core. The brother who once held me as we both cried and struggled to process what was our oldest brother’s funeral. We became bonded to a whole new level as siblings since that experience. So, to now lose him and hold his physical body that no longer had life left… it’s changed me forever.


My relationship to the man I was in love with crumbling at the most difficult time in my life added more confounding whip-lash. Yet, it set me on a path to uncover what was underneath the black molten rock that engulfed my heart - my strength.


The last two years have basically been the on-going funeral of my ego. Leaving Los Angeles and the world of music already humbled me as I walked away from the only identity I’ve known: my identity as a musician/performer. This departure exposed a masochistic nature to expectations and attachments to outcomes. By letting go of the way I insisted it ought to be, I began finding my way back home unto myself.


After my world ripped out from beneath me, pressure boiled to understand it, igniting yet another confrontation with God. The insistence of freedom from attachments I could not escape, as nothing is truly ours. God has reminded me many times of my lack of control, teaching me to trust that life is as it should be. And, to have faith that no matter what has happened to me, as messed up as it may seem, is somehow in my highest interest. It’s begged me to reckon with my capacity, that I am capable of facing it all. And, to realize that I have the strength to survive life as it unfolds, because we know, life is going to do just that.

“Regardless of how hard, challenging, frightening, or difficult an experience may seem, everything is just as it needs to be in order for us to heal, grow, and learn.” - Iyanla Vanzant

To do so, my spiritual journey of seeking peace commenced, as did my faith in the possibility of joy. I learned its roots begin with a life lived not from the ego, but instead the heart. My ego was annihilated the day my last brother died. A greater understanding of life summoned me to appreciate each moment with more profound meaning. For so many years, I was driven to prove my importance to others, to myself. I wanted to be something… you know, all the things. What’s proven itself now is that while staring death (or life) in the face, not once did those things matter. Accolades will never bring my brothers back or fill the volcanic crater of a void. The only way I accessed the strength buried somewhere within me is by embracing a life of higher vibration. I discovered this is possible through forgiveness and acceptance of what is. I can choose to deny or fight reality, or I can choose to trust.


I take responsibility for the people that have come into my life in which triggered me. I own projecting onto them the things I may not have seen or wanted to see within myself. I realize that every interaction and relationship is a reflection of the one I have with myself. I ask for forgiveness for times I held beliefs about others, when they may have been judgments I held against myself.


To open myself to the liberty of trust, I trust in a plan beyond me. I free myself from attachments to people, places, things, and from beliefs about these people, places, things. I stand in my power because of all the hard work I’ve put in to honor myself thus far. I strive to act with self-respect and therefore to respect others. I solidify a life lived trusting in myself and in God because, without this, it is a life of suffering. For I know that if I can be the last one standing amongst my siblings, then I will keep going. No matter what, I will be okay. With forgiveness, the actions and or beliefs I formed around others fade into the distance. I pick myself up off the ground to sit up in my seat once more. I put my hands on the wheel, and only for a moment, I glance back to remember how far I’ve come. But, that mirror is small. I choose to look out the big window ahead of me, because through forgiveness, I found the road to joy.

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Fré Sonneveld

 

*I would like to note that after all the chatter about Eat Pray Love, I finally read it about eight months after I returned from Bali when I moved to México. I happened to resonate and agree with Elizabeth Gilbert’s interpretation and analysis on her choice in the use of “God.” Whatever your God is is cool with me.✌️