Love Hangovers: The Truth About “Closure”

Love Hangovers: The Truth About “Closure”

So many of us experience a hangover with lovers. I refer to it as a hangover because it is akin to one—a hell of an experience—one that we must power through but ultimately will pass. Hangover dysphoria with alcohol is from the depressant component interfering with our internal rhythms; it creates loads of anxiety. There is a similar experience when we form attachments to people—withdrawals create weird after-effects where we convince ourselves we need “closure” in whatever capacity to feel better. How we actually seek closure, even if it is just a mental scroll of ideas, perpetuates the suffering and discontent. We struggle with our emotions surrounding the situation—feeling rejected/abandoned, disillusioned, sometimes used, confused, or feeling as though we cared more than the other person did (if they even cared at all, we balk). Sometimes it is merely a power struggle, needing to have the “upper hand” or the last word—also exposing that ego is running the show and not gonna get us anywhere. When there is a breakdown, it is common to go into control mode, needing to control the outcome (by unconsciously attempting to control the other person), and we cloak this in the idea of closure.

I’ve always believed that closure is an illusion and is something we have to provide for ourselves. If we are fortunate later on, the closure we thought we needed usually transpires as a result of having done so… for ourselves… with time. And if it doesn’t ever arrive, then the good news is we were already well on our path of moving on and had distanced ourselves from the pain of the past—by closing it within ourselves.

When we are experiencing withdrawals from a lust hangover, the suffering is usually a result of an attachment that has spun out where the only way out of it is to change. It is a clear indication that our attachment has reached a level of toxicity, regardless if any of the mental sparrings are true or not. It is a representation that we are seeking outside of ourselves to alleviate and make the ick go away. When we feel a sense of loss or feel out of control, rejected, confused, and or frustrated—it’s a sign we’ve turned to the wrong outlet to make ourselves feel better. We’ve based our needs on a person outside of us, and whether or not we will feel better becomes dependent on their actions. This is an obvious recipe for disaster, yet we so often fail to recognize this and don’t take the proper steps to get out of this space of toxicity and back into a space of love that is fed to us by our creator. *(check out my guide to meditation for self-love breakthroughs). 

Some things I’d like to offer to those experiencing such uncomfortable moments—

Obsessing and over-analyzing or rehashing the narrative over and over—trying to find some new piece of information as reasoning to make ourselves feel better—is only going to perpetuate the momentum of negative energy that exists in our space. It is important to clear out this energy so we can ground back into our own energy that is washed over by unconditional, divine love. 

Some different things to try to transform the energy—

  • Write a letter. Say any and every little thought that you want. Speak as though it was going to be the last thing you will ever say. Say a prayer and terminate the letter in whatever way resonates for you—burn it, freeze it, tear it up. 
  • Be present in nature, feel the world around you and ground beneath you, notice animals (these can be messengers), take in the sounds.
  • Clear clutter, get rid of shit, burn palo santo or sage your space, and your personal space as well (your body). 
  • Cleanse your energy, take a bath with Epsom salt and water-friendly crystals or pink Himalayan salt.
  • Make a plan/create a self-care regime. Putting the energy back into YOU is how we attract what serves for our highest good.
  • Dance—literally move energy—this one doesn’t resonate for everyone. If you fall into the clan of more modest folks, or hey, maybe you’re just not into dancing, but sometimes opening ourselves up to something new is exactly the attitude the universe is looking for. I danced my whole life and just recently I’ve been walking over to a court that is not often frequented just to let loose. This grounds me in my body and connects me to my creative energy.
  • Speaking of…. Try something new. Learn a new skill, take up that new activity or practice you’ve been going on about but haven’t yet done.
  • Keep yourself busy, but not repressed—hang with supportive friends, read a book, go to a yoga class—keep vibration raised. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings because they tell us a deeper story, but make note that we can also become addicted to the story. Be aware of this tendency.
  • Find a crystal to support you in the process of releasing and healing

*I love to ask my higher self to pull a card for what crystal serves in my highest interest at the moment. My favorite crystal deck

  • Light a candle, set an intention, pray, chant mantras. Pray to be changed. Offer this pain to the force that created you. Ask to be changed in trusting that its source is the ultimate source of abundance.                          

*Check out these amazing intention candles with all kinds of different themes from House of Intuition in Los Angeles.

  • Remember the bread crumb rule — every time your mind wants to veer off to those nostalgic good times, don’t forget how we settled for less than we deserve
  • Cultivate a vision of your highest version and who would be in your space as a result. Most importantly, envision the FEELINGS you want to specifically experience with that person(s).
  • Try a session with me — an energy reading & guidance for learning to understand yourself as a spiritual being. 

Be Mind-LESS: Guidance for Spiritual Breakthroughs

Be Mind-LESS: Guidance for Spiritual Breakthroughs
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Audio version of Introduction ^

Introduction 

What I want to share with you all is a path I’ve discovered to peace. It is about understanding ourselves as spiritual beings and learning to live from that space. To dismantle our prior way of existing through the power of the mind, we must begin to distinguish the difference of the mind from the voice of the soul. We allow ourselves to stand back from the mind so we can acknowledge its instrumental influence on the totality of our lives, up until this point. From this point on—we have the choice of will to open ourselves up to greater possibilities. How I’ve discovered to experience this is by giving our spirit the keys to be the driver. 

I want to normalize our spiritual selves so that we can integrate it into our everyday reality, without the pressures and failings to live up to perfection. It’s not about being this pure, has-it-all-together nonexistent beingThe way I want to depict spirituality is for those everyday people that work so hard, don’t believe they have time for this, yet still find themselves on their knees pleading for change, believing it’s all on them to resolve. Or, for those that seemingly “have it all,” yet still feel something is profoundly missing. For those struggling to validate themselves and looking everywhere but inside to discover their worth. For those of us that have hit a point in the road where we begin to see that the ego can only give us so much, and so—still we seek… 

None of which I have to offer is new information/concepts or strikingly original. But, what I’ve come to realize is, even with all of the information available and readily accessible, there are still questions being asked. So, then let’s keep having the conversation.

The key to peace and learning to live life without conditions of the mind.

In order to become this, we must first learn to love ourselves so much that nothing outside of us affects this. Now, that’s a tall order. Is it, though? The question is how do we actually learn to love ourselves on this level? There are many techniques and practices people use/do to cultivate a greater relationship with their inner selves, and that’s a beautiful thing. Finding what resonates with you to support this journey is paramount. But, what I want to offer is a fundamental foundation of returning to the source of love that gave us life to keep breeding life. Through our devotion to this force of love, we begin to see changes occur. When we understand ourselves as not only a product of this force but synonymous with it, we are united with its stream of abundance. As we lay back onto this stream, peace can restore as we sit in the truth that all is exactly as it should be. When we are in alignment we are reminded that Mother Nature is our mother—we are her creations and we are all bound to the same force.

In order to be one with conditions outside of ourselves and to live a life not dependent on these, we must release attachments to what we THINK will fill up our cup. We fill up our cup by turning to, not against, the force of love that created us and learn to develop an intimate relationship with it. I don’t brush my teeth once a month and expect to maintain dental hygiene. And, how many times do you brush your teeth a day? I want to reiterate this point because my belief is the shift occurs when we prioritize our spiritual health just as frequently as our physical, emotional, and mental health. We must start to integrate a practice to exercise our spiritual muscles—flex and strengthen them—so that we can recognize its voice over all voices of the mind. Some people need a gym to go to in order to hold themselves accountable for a workout, well imagine the same for a spiritual gym. The static noise that comes from a lifetime of self-sabotaging habits is a lot to silence and disarm. It takes time, practice, and discipline. Not only do we have our own voices to contend with, but those have been plagued by other voices—from our families, genetic codes, communities, cultures, so on and so on. Beliefs and scripts that we’ve lived off of for so long dominate our existences. If we are open and willing to walk a spiritual path, then we can hand over the reins and take a break from figuring it all out. But this means we are also willing to surrender the ego’s desires, attachments, beliefs, dreams to the unknown. We learn to float amongst the divine current trusting she will align us with that which is for the highest good.

Through meditation and prayer, we can start to click into a state of consciousness that allows us to see the divine’s source as an infinite supply of unconditional love always available to us. As we continue on with our daily lives and the world evolves around us—the mind wants to grow strong and take over again as we juggle the combat. But, as we seemingly “lose” spiritual strength, we have prior enlightenment that this treasure trove of love is always there to turn to if we lose our way or believe we’ve lost ground. The treasure trove is our amulet of power to thrust us right back into the present moment. The present moment allows us to see that the treasure trove is even available. It gifts us the worldly reality of the otherworldly. All of the illusions and projections of the mind suddenly lose strength, and the voice of the soul awakens us to our being, existing as a presence of love.

The way I’ve come to see it is that the greatest medicine and discipline to maintain this spiritual agility and strength is indeed through meditation and prayer. I want to offer some practical application for those of us (which are most of us) that make self-sabotaging excuses to keep us held back—where we argue from our own limitations. But, when we call in our creator, limitations are irrelevant because we recognize—it doesn’t have to be all on us. 

This introduction is a synopsis to a larger body of work. 
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Check out the Guidance Booklet and listen to audio version—