WIDE OPEN. (Wild Card pick)

WIDE OPEN. (Wild Card pick)
Liquid Crystal Oracle

Spent too much of my life, livin’ in the dark

‘Til you made me see I’d rather be livin’, than not livin’ at all

Sometimes it’s hard to keep the faith, but you know it’s all we’ve got

Better to let love take over than to be afraid to fall

‘Cuz I have learned a thing or two, from you

If I let your love in my heart, it’s gonna carry us through

and if we are all just mirrors, I wanna be more like you,

I wanna be wide open, with you

I am about as Plutonian as they come; I’ve always had an undertow of intensity. I also lived much of my life with massive walls. Of course, this was a means of control. It was easier to keep everyone at bay than it was to do the work necessary to heal my heart. Experiencing a tremendous amount of pain meant doing whatever it took to prevent more pain. Of course, this actually caused me more pain.

I was fortunate through a series of events to have hit a crisis period in my twenties that woke me up to see that my fear of intimacy was at the root of much of my chaos. Pretty much everything was a means of control. When trying to control we close ourselves off from the blessings of the divine. I began the uncomfortable process of change and healing by doing the work to face my pain and to learn about building healthy boundaries as a means of keeping myself safe.

I am a survivor of abuse and I’ve used abused dogs as an analogy many times to give insight behind the walls of a survivor. Imagine how timid a dog is that has been rescued and clearly mistreated. A dog can go years, sometimes forever, afraid of people or certain things/situations, and you are not going to get close if so. You can sense fear all around the dog and it will definitely remain in fight or flight mode, ready to fend or flee. It doesn’t know you! It doesn’t know what you’re capable of, alright! All it knows is what happened before.

Obviously, it’s the same for people. However, we have the intellectual capacity to recognize that in adulthood we have the power of choice. We get to choose who we are now in the present moment. We have the ability to rationalize and understand that we all operate off of our capacities—what we know by what has been modeled for us. Through this acknowledgment, we can ignite the current of forgiveness. We can forgive those that have hurt us or were bad examples. We can choose to develop the tools to honor our worth and protect our hearts—again, through healthy boundaries, not walls. We don’t have to keep our hearts closed, because we have the power to assimilate through self-trust.

I met a man in Bali that I experienced love at first sight with. He was so open emotionally that it was confusing to someone like me that had lived closed off for so long. Naturally, I made him my muse; he inspired the lyrics I wrote above. He mirrored to me at the time, what I wanted to be more like. I wanted to be completely wide open.

Coincidentally he was from Brasil.

Today’s WILD CARD pick is from the Liquid Crystal Oracle deck:

AMAZONITE

(The Middle Road)

Amazonite is derived from the Amazon River in South America.

The color green is associated with the Heart Chakra.

Set an intention to forgive the conditions of yourself and others by lining up with the unconditional. How can you open your heart just a little more, forgive, and grow? Consider how far you’ve come in your life and celebrate the middle road. If negative thoughts creep in, see it as a reflection of your humanity and use that as an opportunity to cut others some slack as well. We are all representations of God and through this understanding, we remain connected to our spiritual selves. Open your heart to see beyond judgments and dichotomies—yes/no, black/white, right/wrong. Allow yourself to see all the colors of life. Be brave enough to tear down walls and learn to live life… wide open.

“…[make] windows where there were once walls.” – Michel Foucault

I’d like to offer—try smiling or saying hi to everyone that walks by, at least for a day. Don’t give with an expectation to receive in return, do so because you are making an effort to open your heart. Trust that when you give love, it will come back to you in some form or another.

 

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THE MASTER. (Wild Card Pick)

the master

“The master welcomes the disciples not because he wants to lead them, but because he has so much to share. Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light.” – Osho

An intention I have set this new year is to be more mindful of my presence and how I present myself to the world. This is not because I want to be dependent on how I am perceived, but because I want to be aware of my energy and how I am distributing it. I want to show up for myself because—I matter. This allows for me to stand in my power and have quicker access to it when it falters. When we know that we matter, we more readily nurture practices that support this. We beam light that radiates our worth. There is nothing to prove because by showing up for ourselves we already know we matter.

I spent much of my life preparing for what everyone else was going to think of me before I really stopped to think what I was putting out there altogether. I am a singer and I was always a little girl with a very big voice. However, rarely did I share my voice. A big reason why I did not let myself shine was that I codependently concerned myself with not dimming others’ light. I could not share because I also did not know how to receive. We are automatically expressing gratitude (we give thanks) when we share what gifts we have been given. Through gratitude, we open ourselves up to receive more. I was too afraid of the opposition, of someone mirroring their insecurities off of my talent. So, instead, I hid and bottled my gift. Or, I used my preoccupation with others as an excuse to hide and allowed this excuse to trick myself into believing I wasn’t worthy of my gift.

I once dated a guy whose favorite quote loosely articulated something along the lines of—the only way to change something is to leave it the way it is.

I found that to be a bizarre way of looking at things (to his credit, it could have been a language barrier). Despite my judgment that the delivery could be more eloquent and less selfish, I agreed with the root of its message. We can not change people to be the way we want them to be. We must grant people time and space to choose their own paths. We can inspire others by mastering our own path by living out our highest versions, then we inadvertently (not manipulatively) lead by example.

We can not control how people respond to the various parts of ourselves, either. We all know, not everyone is gonna like us. But we can learn to love and accept ourselves enough that as we walk down our blazing paths of glory, our beams of light can inspire and guide the way for others.

Imagine literally pushing someone that is cemented exactly where they are, and you’re still pushing, yet they are going nowhere. Waste of energy, time, and all the above, right? Let others be as you stand in your light.

Today’s Wild Card pick is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck:

 THE MASTER

This card represents being a master of the self and therefore giving back to others by presenting your best self as a teacher for them.

Set an intention to surrender control to that which is outside of you and focus on mastering yourself. How do you present yourself to the world? Show up for you, first. Watch your energy be reflected back to you. Share your gifts like the dance as if no one is watching quote. Share your gifts for the sake of giving, even when it feels like no one cares. By sharing you are expressing gratitude for the abundance in your life, and this is how we open ourselves to receive more. 🙂

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