WIDE OPEN. (Wild Card pick)

WIDE OPEN. (Wild Card pick)
Liquid Crystal Oracle

Spent too much of my life, livin’ in the dark

‘Til you made me see I’d rather be livin’, than not livin’ at all

Sometimes it’s hard to keep the faith, but you know it’s all we’ve got

Better to let love take over than to be afraid to fall

‘Cuz I have learned a thing or two, from you

If I let your love in my heart, it’s gonna carry us through

and if we are all just mirrors, I wanna be more like you,

I wanna be wide open, with you

I am about as Plutonian as they come; I’ve always had an undertow of intensity. I also lived much of my life with massive walls. Of course, this was a means of control. It was easier to keep everyone at bay than it was to do the work necessary to heal my heart. Experiencing a tremendous amount of pain meant doing whatever it took to prevent more pain. Of course, this actually caused me more pain.

I was fortunate through a series of events to have hit a crisis period in my twenties that woke me up to see that my fear of intimacy was at the root of much of my chaos. Pretty much everything was a means of control. When trying to control we close ourselves off from the blessings of the divine. I began the uncomfortable process of change and healing by doing the work to face my pain and to learn about building healthy boundaries as a means of keeping myself safe.

I am a survivor of abuse and I’ve used abused dogs as an analogy many times to give insight behind the walls of a survivor. Imagine how timid a dog is that has been rescued and clearly mistreated. A dog can go years, sometimes forever, afraid of people or certain things/situations, and you are not going to get close if so. You can sense fear all around the dog and it will definitely remain in fight or flight mode, ready to fend or flee. It doesn’t know you! It doesn’t know what you’re capable of, alright! All it knows is what happened before.

Obviously, it’s the same for people. However, we have the intellectual capacity to recognize that in adulthood we have the power of choice. We get to choose who we are now in the present moment. We have the ability to rationalize and understand that we all operate off of our capacities—what we know by what has been modeled for us. Through this acknowledgment, we can ignite the current of forgiveness. We can forgive those that have hurt us or were bad examples. We can choose to develop the tools to honor our worth and protect our hearts—again, through healthy boundaries, not walls. We don’t have to keep our hearts closed, because we have the power to assimilate through self-trust.

I met a man in Bali that I experienced love at first sight with. He was so open emotionally that it was confusing to someone like me that had lived closed off for so long. Naturally, I made him my muse; he inspired the lyrics I wrote above. He mirrored to me at the time, what I wanted to be more like. I wanted to be completely wide open.

Coincidentally he was from Brasil.

Today’s WILD CARD pick is from the Liquid Crystal Oracle deck:

AMAZONITE

(The Middle Road)

Amazonite is derived from the Amazon River in South America.

The color green is associated with the Heart Chakra.

Set an intention to forgive the conditions of yourself and others by lining up with the unconditional. How can you open your heart just a little more, forgive, and grow? Consider how far you’ve come in your life and celebrate the middle road. If negative thoughts creep in, see it as a reflection of your humanity and use that as an opportunity to cut others some slack as well. We are all representations of God and through this understanding, we remain connected to our spiritual selves. Open your heart to see beyond judgments and dichotomies—yes/no, black/white, right/wrong. Allow yourself to see all the colors of life. Be brave enough to tear down walls and learn to live life… wide open.

“…[make] windows where there were once walls.” – Michel Foucault

I’d like to offer—try smiling or saying hi to everyone that walks by, at least for a day. Don’t give with an expectation to receive in return, do so because you are making an effort to open your heart. Trust that when you give love, it will come back to you in some form or another.

 

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Silencing the Noise. (Wild Card pick)

Silencing the Noise. (Wild Card pick)

IMG_20190115_154536.jpg

Many of us have heard of “The Secret” and the basis for the law of attraction. I’ve never really been sure how I feel about Tony Robbins, but I agree with him when he says that the law of attraction is ‘part of it.’ It’s part of getting what you want in life, but it’s not everything. Obtaining through the law of attraction is more like a symptom of maintaining a high vibration. Clarity and specificity are important, yes. But, I believe what Tony was alluding to in his own way is that there’s more to the upkeep of high vibe than simply thinking happy thoughts.

Self-care, putting ourselves first, being of service, these are all ways to sustain the glow, but vibrations resonating at high frequencies occur effortlessly from silenced noise. This is how we sit into the seat of consciousness.*

We discover our spiritual self and our inner voice—the divine whisper that is our road map from “God.” Through trusting ourselves and in a plan beyond “the self,” we watch the miracle of life unfold with more adventure, more zest. Setting an intention while you are at a high vibration is positive attraction, but it is the art of surrender through objectivity and non-attachment in which we can find peace.

It is the voices, the dialogue in our heads that Michael A. Singer points out so vividly in the first pages of his book, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself,* that interfere with our state of consciousness. They bombard our understanding of the “true self.” He poses questions such as—what is the actual real self? Which one of those voices is the true inner voice?

It doesn’t make any difference what {the voice inside] is saying, you are the one who is aware of it. As long as you think that one thing it’s saying is you, but the other thing it’s saying is not you, you’ve lost your objectivity.” – Michael A. Singer

The objectivity he speaks of, standing back and observing the voices rather than creating them into a hierarchy is how we can begin to develop and move closer to our “intuition.”

When I was in Bali, I felt like I was on this otherworldly ride to understand the necessity of silencing the noise. For one, by simply being away from it, but then to learn to develop self-trust, our relationship with our intuition.

Where I am from in the United States, particularly Los Angeles, a city I called home for quite some time—it’s a rapid pace. There are so many expectancies, projected voices, technologies/communication technologies being spit at us from every angle that it’s difficult to not be plagued by the noise.

Leaning back as Singer suggests, from it, is how we become the spectator, not a willing participant in this falsehood of reality we create with mental chatter. We develop a relationship of trust within ourselves when we can rely on our objectivity. We can begin to understand who we really are, that is—which voice it is.

Today’s Wild Card pick is from Tosha Silver’s Change Me Prayers oracle deck:

INTUITION

Set an intention to transcend the noise of your mind by learning to be a spectator of it. We earn self-trust through the relationship we have with our inner voice, our intuition. We can begin to trust in a higher plan by trusting we are always being guided to that which serves us. Consider how you can give your self more love through self-care to keep your vibration elevated. Be willing to be outrageously open and release expectations. Trust that your relationship with your inner self is a reflection of your relationship with the divine. We are always being guided if we can silence the noise to listen.

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Tosha is author of Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead, a guide to living a life of surrender and trust by putting your faith in the divine’s greater plan. {She designed this deck that I often use to draw a mantra/prayer as part of my daily spiritual practice.}

                                                                         

THE MASTER. (Wild Card Pick)

the master

“The master welcomes the disciples not because he wants to lead them, but because he has so much to share. Together, they create an energy field that supports each unique individual in finding his or her own light.” – Osho

An intention I have set this new year is to be more mindful of my presence and how I present myself to the world. This is not because I want to be dependent on how I am perceived, but because I want to be aware of my energy and how I am distributing it. I want to show up for myself because—I matter. This allows for me to stand in my power and have quicker access to it when it falters. When we know that we matter, we more readily nurture practices that support this. We beam light that radiates our worth. There is nothing to prove because by showing up for ourselves we already know we matter.

I spent much of my life preparing for what everyone else was going to think of me before I really stopped to think what I was putting out there altogether. I am a singer and I was always a little girl with a very big voice. However, rarely did I share my voice. A big reason why I did not let myself shine was that I codependently concerned myself with not dimming others’ light. I could not share because I also did not know how to receive. We are automatically expressing gratitude (we give thanks) when we share what gifts we have been given. Through gratitude, we open ourselves up to receive more. I was too afraid of the opposition, of someone mirroring their insecurities off of my talent. So, instead, I hid and bottled my gift. Or, I used my preoccupation with others as an excuse to hide and allowed this excuse to trick myself into believing I wasn’t worthy of my gift.

I once dated a guy whose favorite quote loosely articulated something along the lines of—the only way to change something is to leave it the way it is.

I found that to be a bizarre way of looking at things (to his credit, it could have been a language barrier). Despite my judgment that the delivery could be more eloquent and less selfish, I agreed with the root of its message. We can not change people to be the way we want them to be. We must grant people time and space to choose their own paths. We can inspire others by mastering our own path by living out our highest versions, then we inadvertently (not manipulatively) lead by example.

We can not control how people respond to the various parts of ourselves, either. We all know, not everyone is gonna like us. But we can learn to love and accept ourselves enough that as we walk down our blazing paths of glory, our beams of light can inspire and guide the way for others.

Imagine literally pushing someone that is cemented exactly where they are, and you’re still pushing, yet they are going nowhere. Waste of energy, time, and all the above, right? Let others be as you stand in your light.

Today’s Wild Card pick is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck:

 THE MASTER

This card represents being a master of the self and therefore giving back to others by presenting your best self as a teacher for them.

Set an intention to surrender control to that which is outside of you and focus on mastering yourself. How do you present yourself to the world? Show up for you, first. Watch your energy be reflected back to you. Share your gifts like the dance as if no one is watching quote. Share your gifts for the sake of giving, even when it feels like no one cares. By sharing you are expressing gratitude for the abundance in your life, and this is how we open ourselves to receive more. 🙂

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ENOUGH. (Wild Card pick)

ENOUGH. (Wild Card pick)
Chakra Insight Oracle deck
Chakra Insight Oracle deck

Just as I faced the bridge leading me into another year, it so happened that some events near the end of the year led to a projection of an old wound staring profusely back at me. In a moment of desperation and a plea for change, I chose to sit in the uncomfortable feeling of outdated energy and charged emotions that no longer represent who I am, but instead where I came from. I knew the only way out of it was to walk right through, straight into the wound.

It’s amazing how quickly we can actually make it out to the other side when we allow ourselves to feel, understand, and accept the pain. Already I feel I am walking on new ground. My mantra that has set the preface for cliche resolutions—the simple, but powerful notion—I am enough.

What occurred at the end of the year was that I walked away from a burning reality that I had, yet again, settled for less than I am worth. How could this be after all I’ve done to heal myself? The old wound that reared its ugly head was an exhausted one of abandonment. I let somebody back into my life that had already demonstrated their lack of capacity to give love. How convenient—I chose the person that does not have the capacity to give love because clearly, I had not fully acknowledged my own blocks to receiving it.

Before I had initially broken ties, I looked for distractions and diversions outside of me to fill the void in the interim. When I consciously cut everything out to make a change, I found myself alone. And, true to love-addict grappling, I battled grief over a commitment-phobe. There I was suffering over someone unable to give love instead of giving it to myself. I was upset that I even felt pain at all having known this truth.

But there ya have it, an old wound. It wasn’t even about this guy—same story, different face? Fortunately, I had a lingering awareness to be grateful for, so to end the cycle I broke down to break through. I had to forgive myself, for the wound is there to stay. I accept it as part of who I am because I have a choice. I choose to say, enough, to settling.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” – Oprah

The more I began to envision something better, knowing I am worthy of it, the lighter I felt and more gracious I felt in forgiving the pain altogether. For-give to- get love, as Iyanla has spoken. Clear out the old through forgiveness to make room for the new. If we are seeking love outside of ourselves, chances are it is because we don’t believe we are enough. Trying to understand the pain can leave us trapped in it. Realizing it is there and accepting it for what it is, something that happened to me a million years ago, I could begin to step out and away from the perpetual experience of it. When we know we are enough and invest in our worth, our vibration will bring us our match. We don’t need to look. By investing in ourselves so that our cup is full, we can begin to let the extraneous surplus pour over into that special someone’s cup—and no, not just the closest available thing.

The Wild Card Pick is from the CHAKRA INSIGHT ORACLE deck:   

Self-Esteem

Ruled by the Solar Plexus Chakra

Set an intention to empower yourself by knowing you are enough. Vote for you, first. Begin healing old wounds through the practice of self-love. Line up with those that reflect your highest version. 

Know that as you focus on yourself, you will draw the right person to you. Believe in their arrival—they are worth the wait because you are worth the wait.